Kelley really hates shoelaces. They just don't make any sense. He can handle a knot. One lace over the other and then the same again, he's all over that shit. Shoelaces however, require loops. 2 loops that fold in and out and around each other. What the hell is going on there? Its like untangling a plate of spaghetti on your foot. Why would you put spaghetti on your foot? Someone should invent a shoe that you put on like a sock. Socks are easy to put on.
Kelley Facts:
Age: 30
Likes: Oranges
Dislikes: Loops
Often heard saying: 'I don't get it?', 'Huh', 'Is there any more?', 'But why?'
Often told: 'I can't explain this shit any simpler.', 'There's no such thing as second-leftovers.', 'No, I don't want to know how you use both sides of the toilet paper.'
